Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
