porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize