grandma shit on top of the toilet
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
