Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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