Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
