dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it hurts more in the daytime
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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