just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
