You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
