You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
