thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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