Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will pee on everything he values.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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