i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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