I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
