Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
