Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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