Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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