Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
