just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
