I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
