i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
