I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
