Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
