I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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