Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Come back. Shots need mouths.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
