this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
