the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
