Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
