Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize