there's paper in my vomit.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
