You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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