Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
