margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
