I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
