i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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