Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
