Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
