I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
