I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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