Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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