I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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