3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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