i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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