I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
