dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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