Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
