We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
