Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
