I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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