let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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