last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
