Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
