I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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