the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I see more hoeing in ur future
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