i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
