But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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