Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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