STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
