the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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