That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
