update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
