Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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