So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
