guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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