Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just pee around me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
