I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
