I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
