I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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