I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't notice because vodka
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
