my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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