I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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