I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
