I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
