And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
