I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize