You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
